Connecting With Your Children Through the Use of Love Languages
Submitted by Rebecca Smith ~ Family Ties Association
Are you looking for new ways to connect and play with your child? Being in tuned with their love language may be of help. The concept of love languages was first introduced by Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell in their book The Five Love Languages and later in The Five Love Languages of Children. Essentially, Chapman and Campbell noted that children, teens, and adults all express and experience love in different ways. Have you ever noticed how one of your children may love cuddles whereas the another one loves when you help them with an activity or project? Well, it likely can be contributed to the fact they both have different love languages – one of ‘physical touch’ and another of ‘acts of services’. Through this post, we will be taking a bit of an overview of the 5 Love Languages and how by understanding them, you may be able to connect with your children on a new level.
Physical Touch. Children who score high on this area feel and show love by physical affection such as hugs, holding hands, kisses, cuddles, and/or finding ways to appropriately physically touch others. Caregivers can create a deeper connection with their children through acts of physical touch like: allowing your child to snuggle on you when needed, sitting beside them when doing work or eating, engaging in physical contact games and songs (this little piggy, pat-a-cake, drawing on each others’ backs and guessing what picture was drawn), or making up special ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ routines that involve touch.
Words of Affirmation. Children who score high in this area get great pleasure out of hearing how much you love them and what a great job they have done. Think praise and positive encouragement, such as statements like: “I love you”, “You worked hard on...”, “I was so excited to see you today”, or doing small activities like: writing notes to them to take to school, putting positive post-it notes up on their mirror, or creating a special name that you only call them.
Quality Time. Just as the name suggests, children who score high in this area love spending time with you and soak in all the times they get your full attention. As such, it does not matter as much what you are doing with your children, rather than you are choosing to spend time alone with them and are fully present during that time. Connecting through quality time activities can include: playing outside, playing a board game, drawing together, baking together, watching a sport event together, or snuggling before bed reading and/or talking about their day.
Gifts. Children who score high in this area may love giving or receiving gifts; these gifts tend to be handmade, small, and/or personalized for the caregiver. You can connect with your gift loving children by: making a special meal just for them, gathering items from nature your child would love, giving them a book that reminds you of them and read it together, and/or giving your child a framed photograph of the two of you.
Acts of Service. Children who score high in this area receive and show love by doing things such as helping out around the house or having you help them make their bed or fix a broken toy. Some acts of service caregivers can do are: making a special meal and hand delivering it to them, carrying young children to bed, doing a chore for your child that they usually do, helping them do their homework and/or doing a favourite activity with your child.
Hopefully from reading the above information on the 5 Love Languages, you were able to better identify how your child may be communicating their need for love. Still not sure of your child’s love language or even your own? Well, fear not, as Chapman and Campbell have created a free quiz for people to fill out and find their love language. You can complete the quiz for yourself and/or your child to discover how to fill your child’s love bucket and even fill your own. Here is the link if you want to dig in: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language.
As well, don’t be surprised if within your family there are many love languages; this is common and now knowing this, can help you build strong family bonds based on love and connection.
Sources and References
Chapman, G. D. and Campbell, R. (2012). The five love languages of children. Moody Publishers; Reprint edition.
Parry, J. (n.d.). How to Connect with Your Child Using Love Languages. Big Life Journal. https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/connect-child-activities-love-languages
Image: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-braiding-the-hair-of-a-young-girl-7484773/